HaHa Eric, that's Hilarious 
Feeding MiztaB's Gerbil's to the Hungry Little Fishies, I like that Idea.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=60XmPKINR7g
The Winner should be given all of MiztaB's Gerbils to fed those Poor Hungry Pirhana's.
Sam.
***** ALERT - Nominations for your new ClubCJ Committee can be made here *****
WIN A GERBIL CONTEST
Moderators: Moderators, Senior Moderators
OK Sleeper Steve, now I'm playing and here is my "Joke" for the "WIN A GERBIL CONTEST"
"The Great Aussie Half-Wit"
Once upon a time there was a man who owned a small farm in Australia.
Then one day the Fair Work Australia Office claimed he was not paying proper wages or providing the appropriate conditions to his staff and decided to send a representative out to interview him.
"I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them", demanded the rep.
"Well", replied the farmer, firstly there's my farm hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $500 a week plus free room and board. He also gets triple time for working on a Sunday and a slab of beer for a Happy Hour every Friday arvo.
Then there's the cook, she's been here for 18 months, and I pay her $400 per week plus free room and board. She doesn't work on Sundays, so I provide paid satellite television and phone for free in her room.
Finally there's the "Half-Wit. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He only makes about $20 per week, pays his own room and board, but I buy him a bottle of whisky every Saturday night to drown his sorrows. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally.
"Ah Ha" That's the guy I want to talk to..........the poorly mistreated, underpaid, discriminated and abused person you employ, the "Half-Wit" says the rep.
"That would be me" ......... replied the farmer.
There you go Steve: No SMUT, RACISM or OFFENSIVE BAD TASTE.
Cheers: Sam.
"The Great Aussie Half-Wit"
Once upon a time there was a man who owned a small farm in Australia.
Then one day the Fair Work Australia Office claimed he was not paying proper wages or providing the appropriate conditions to his staff and decided to send a representative out to interview him.
"I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them", demanded the rep.
"Well", replied the farmer, firstly there's my farm hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $500 a week plus free room and board. He also gets triple time for working on a Sunday and a slab of beer for a Happy Hour every Friday arvo.
Then there's the cook, she's been here for 18 months, and I pay her $400 per week plus free room and board. She doesn't work on Sundays, so I provide paid satellite television and phone for free in her room.
Finally there's the "Half-Wit. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He only makes about $20 per week, pays his own room and board, but I buy him a bottle of whisky every Saturday night to drown his sorrows. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally.
"Ah Ha" That's the guy I want to talk to..........the poorly mistreated, underpaid, discriminated and abused person you employ, the "Half-Wit" says the rep.
"That would be me" ......... replied the farmer.
There you go Steve: No SMUT, RACISM or OFFENSIVE BAD TASTE.
Cheers: Sam.
Sam .....
Merlinised MIVEC - AspiRe 2.4L
Merlinised MIVEC - AspiRe 2.4L
Acting on Steve's advice, since no one else is posting, I've been allowed to post another. But keep it clean. 
"Condoms"
A young teenage kid who is shopping with his dad one day notices Condoms for sale on the shelf.
Knowing what they are, he cheekily turns to his dad and asks, Dad, what are these for dad ?
The dad replies, they’re for 18yro men to enjoy themselves on a Friday night.
The kid then notices them in a 3 pack and asks’, what about these dad ?
The dad replies, they’re for more experienced men to enjoy themselves all weekend.
The kid then notices them in a 12 pack and asks’ what about these dad ?
To which the dad replies, they’re for married men, yearly packs, once a month for 1 year.
"Condoms"
A young teenage kid who is shopping with his dad one day notices Condoms for sale on the shelf.
Knowing what they are, he cheekily turns to his dad and asks, Dad, what are these for dad ?
The dad replies, they’re for 18yro men to enjoy themselves on a Friday night.
The kid then notices them in a 3 pack and asks’, what about these dad ?
The dad replies, they’re for more experienced men to enjoy themselves all weekend.
The kid then notices them in a 12 pack and asks’ what about these dad ?
To which the dad replies, they’re for married men, yearly packs, once a month for 1 year.
Sam .....
Merlinised MIVEC - AspiRe 2.4L
Merlinised MIVEC - AspiRe 2.4L
"SUPER-DIPPER SUPERMAN"
Superman was bored one day, so he gave Batman a call.
Batman said Robin was ill and he had to look after him.
A little disappointed, Superman called Spiderman to see what he was up to.
But Spiderman told him he was getting ready for a date with Catwoman.
As a last resort, Superman flew over to WonderWoman's apartment to see if she was free.
As he landed on her balcony, he peeped through the window and saw Wonderwoman laying stark naked on the bed with her legs spread wide open.
He frustratingly assumed she was taking a nap and thought it not polite to disturb her.
Then all of a sudden Superman thought to himself !!
"I'm faster than a speeding bullet. I could fly in there, have sex, and be out in a flash before she knew what was happening".
So Superman prepared himself, and in one swift move, flew in, did his Super- Dippy Thing in a split second and flew off happily satisfied.
Meanwhile, laying on the bed, Wonderwoman said: "Did you hear or feel something" ?
"No", said the Invisible Man, "but my arse hurts like hell"
Superman was bored one day, so he gave Batman a call.
Batman said Robin was ill and he had to look after him.
A little disappointed, Superman called Spiderman to see what he was up to.
But Spiderman told him he was getting ready for a date with Catwoman.
As a last resort, Superman flew over to WonderWoman's apartment to see if she was free.
As he landed on her balcony, he peeped through the window and saw Wonderwoman laying stark naked on the bed with her legs spread wide open.
He frustratingly assumed she was taking a nap and thought it not polite to disturb her.
Then all of a sudden Superman thought to himself !!
"I'm faster than a speeding bullet. I could fly in there, have sex, and be out in a flash before she knew what was happening".
So Superman prepared himself, and in one swift move, flew in, did his Super- Dippy Thing in a split second and flew off happily satisfied.
Meanwhile, laying on the bed, Wonderwoman said: "Did you hear or feel something" ?
"No", said the Invisible Man, "but my arse hurts like hell"
Sam .....
Merlinised MIVEC - AspiRe 2.4L
Merlinised MIVEC - AspiRe 2.4L
"KISS MY ARSE"
A married couple who were in a terrible accident resulted in the man's face being severely burned.
The doctor told the husband they couldn't graft any skin from his body because he was too skinny. So the wife offered to donate some of her own skin.
However, the only skin on her body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from her buttocks.
The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and they requested that the doctor also honour their secret.
After all, this was a very delicate matter.
After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the man's new face.
He looked more handsome than he ever had before! All his friends and relatives just went on and on about his new found youthful beauty!
One day, as he was alone with his wife, and overcome with emotion for her sacrifice.
He said, Dear,
I just want to thank you for everything you did for me after my accident.
How can I ever possibly repay you ?
My darling, she replied,
I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek.
A married couple who were in a terrible accident resulted in the man's face being severely burned.
The doctor told the husband they couldn't graft any skin from his body because he was too skinny. So the wife offered to donate some of her own skin.
However, the only skin on her body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from her buttocks.
The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and they requested that the doctor also honour their secret.
After all, this was a very delicate matter.
After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the man's new face.
He looked more handsome than he ever had before! All his friends and relatives just went on and on about his new found youthful beauty!
One day, as he was alone with his wife, and overcome with emotion for her sacrifice.
He said, Dear,
I just want to thank you for everything you did for me after my accident.
How can I ever possibly repay you ?
My darling, she replied,
I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek.
Last edited by SAM-24A on Sat Jan 22, 2011 11:56 am, edited 1 time in total.
Sam .....
Merlinised MIVEC - AspiRe 2.4L
Merlinised MIVEC - AspiRe 2.4L
"THE PENIS STUDY"
The American Government funded a study to see why the head of a man"s penis was larger than the shaft.
After 1 year and $180,000 they concluded that the reason that the head was larger than the shaft was to give the man more pleasure during sex.
After the US published the study, the French decided to do their own study.
After $250,000 and 3 years of research, they concluded that the reason the head was larger than the shaft was to give the woman more pleasure during sex.
Australians, unsatisfied with these findings, conducted their own study.
After 2 weeks, and a cost of around $78.46 for 2 cases of beer, they concluded that it was to keep a man’s hand from flying off whilst pleasing himself.
Sam,
The American Government funded a study to see why the head of a man"s penis was larger than the shaft.
After 1 year and $180,000 they concluded that the reason that the head was larger than the shaft was to give the man more pleasure during sex.
After the US published the study, the French decided to do their own study.
After $250,000 and 3 years of research, they concluded that the reason the head was larger than the shaft was to give the woman more pleasure during sex.
Australians, unsatisfied with these findings, conducted their own study.
After 2 weeks, and a cost of around $78.46 for 2 cases of beer, they concluded that it was to keep a man’s hand from flying off whilst pleasing himself.
Sam,
Sam .....
Merlinised MIVEC - AspiRe 2.4L
Merlinised MIVEC - AspiRe 2.4L
SUICIDE BOMBERS IN THE UK - GO ON STRIKE
Muslim suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-day strike on Monday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in the afterlife.
Emergency talks with Al Qaeda have so far failed to produce an agreement.
The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda announced that the number of virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death will be cut by 25%, (from 72 to only 60) and applicable from this February,
The rationale for the cut was the increase in recent years of the number of suicide bombings and a subsequent shortage of virgins in the afterlife.
The suicide bomber's union, (BOOM) British Organization of Occupational Martyrs responded with a statement that this was unacceptable to its members and immediately balloted for strike action. General Secretary Abdullah Amir told the press,
"Our members are literally working themselves to death in the cause of Jihad.
We don't ask for much in return, and to be treated like this is like a kick in the teeth."
Speaking from his shed in Tipton in the West Midlands, in which he currently resides,
Al Qaeda chief executive Osama bin Laden explained,
"We sympathise with our workers concerns, but Al Qaeda is simply not in a position to meet their demands.
They are simply not accepting the realities of modern-day Jihad in a competitive marketplace.
Thanks to Western depravity there is now a chronic shortage of virgins in the afterlife.
It's a straight choice between reducing expenditure and laying people off.
I don't like cutting wages but I'd hate to have to tell 3,000 of my staff that they won't be able to blow themselves up anymore."
Spokespersons for the Union in the north east of England, Ireland, Wales, Scotland and the entire American & Australian continents stated that the strike would not affect their operations, as "there are no virgins left in their areas anyway."
Intelligence Sources closely affiliated with "BOOM" have stated that the drop in the number of suicide bombings has been put down to the emergence of Scottish singing star Susan Boyle.
Now that Muslims know what an actual virgin looks like they are not so keen on going to paradise.
Muslim suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-day strike on Monday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in the afterlife.
Emergency talks with Al Qaeda have so far failed to produce an agreement.
The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda announced that the number of virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death will be cut by 25%, (from 72 to only 60) and applicable from this February,
The rationale for the cut was the increase in recent years of the number of suicide bombings and a subsequent shortage of virgins in the afterlife.
The suicide bomber's union, (BOOM) British Organization of Occupational Martyrs responded with a statement that this was unacceptable to its members and immediately balloted for strike action. General Secretary Abdullah Amir told the press,
"Our members are literally working themselves to death in the cause of Jihad.
We don't ask for much in return, and to be treated like this is like a kick in the teeth."
Speaking from his shed in Tipton in the West Midlands, in which he currently resides,
Al Qaeda chief executive Osama bin Laden explained,
"We sympathise with our workers concerns, but Al Qaeda is simply not in a position to meet their demands.
They are simply not accepting the realities of modern-day Jihad in a competitive marketplace.
Thanks to Western depravity there is now a chronic shortage of virgins in the afterlife.
It's a straight choice between reducing expenditure and laying people off.
I don't like cutting wages but I'd hate to have to tell 3,000 of my staff that they won't be able to blow themselves up anymore."
Spokespersons for the Union in the north east of England, Ireland, Wales, Scotland and the entire American & Australian continents stated that the strike would not affect their operations, as "there are no virgins left in their areas anyway."
Intelligence Sources closely affiliated with "BOOM" have stated that the drop in the number of suicide bombings has been put down to the emergence of Scottish singing star Susan Boyle.
Now that Muslims know what an actual virgin looks like they are not so keen on going to paradise.
Sam .....
Merlinised MIVEC - AspiRe 2.4L
Merlinised MIVEC - AspiRe 2.4L
COPPER PHONE WIRE
After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, British scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 200 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 150 years ago.
Not to be outdone by the Brit's, in the weeks that followed, an American archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after, a story published in the New York Times:
"American archaeologists, finding traces of 250-year-old copper wire, have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network 50 years earlier than the British".
One week later, Australia's Northern Territory News, reported the following:
"After digging as deep as 30 feet in his backyard in Tennant Creek, Northern Territory,
Lucky Bunji, a self-taught indigenous archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely fu '' ck all.
Lucky has therefore concluded that 250 years ago, Australia had already gone wireless."
Just makes you feel bloody proud to be Australian !!!!!
After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, British scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 200 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 150 years ago.
Not to be outdone by the Brit's, in the weeks that followed, an American archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after, a story published in the New York Times:
"American archaeologists, finding traces of 250-year-old copper wire, have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network 50 years earlier than the British".
One week later, Australia's Northern Territory News, reported the following:
"After digging as deep as 30 feet in his backyard in Tennant Creek, Northern Territory,
Lucky Bunji, a self-taught indigenous archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely fu '' ck all.
Lucky has therefore concluded that 250 years ago, Australia had already gone wireless."
Just makes you feel bloody proud to be Australian !!!!!
Sam .....
Merlinised MIVEC - AspiRe 2.4L
Merlinised MIVEC - AspiRe 2.4L
Sleeper said:
I do have a better one Steve, but it's humorous racism at it's worst.
Since your the Chief, Judge and Adjudicator, I'll let you decide after you've read it.
I'm waiting on "Permission to Post" Steve.
Sam.
holy, ROFLOL.
thats gonna be hard to beat.
I do have a better one Steve, but it's humorous racism at it's worst.
Since your the Chief, Judge and Adjudicator, I'll let you decide after you've read it.
I'm waiting on "Permission to Post" Steve.
Sam.
Sam .....
Merlinised MIVEC - AspiRe 2.4L
Merlinised MIVEC - AspiRe 2.4L
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